THE GOD WHO SEES - Chapter 5

The prickling sensation in my feet and legs let me know that I’d sat slumped on the floor a bit too long.  I stood slowly and shook first one leg, then the other to try and restore some sensation.  That accomplished, I looked around and wondered at the seemingly sudden dousing of the silver lines around the pictures.  I noticed that the lines surrounding the device remained glowing, now providing the only light in the room.  I walked around still shaking my legs a little.  My eyes kept wandering back to the device, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to take on meeting anyone else at the moment.  I wished I could see the pictures again.

What on earth kept her going, why didn’t she just give up?  The thought sprang unbidden into my head, but once it was there, I turned it over and over.  If anyone had good reason to — stop being — she had it in spades.  Yet she kept going.  I finally determined it must have been for her daughters.  She said she wanted them to be different than her.  Giving up probably would have given them every reason to be exactly like her.

I caught something out of the corner of my eye.  Turning, I saw that the silver lines supporting the device had begun pulsating ever so slightly.  I heaved a deep sigh.  My steps were slow in returning to the device and I hesitated before pressing the button.  “Not like you have anything better to do at the moment,” I said out loud and pressed the button.

Melody’s voice was the first I heard on this recording.  It was still indistinct but even louder this time.  It sounded like she was asking her first question.

“That’s a very strange question.”  The voice belonged to a man.  It was a heavy voice but tenor in tone.  He didn’t sound old but he didn’t sound young.  “Not quite what I was expecting.”

I heard Melody make a comment and the man responded with a “huh” to which she made another comment.

“I suppose this is your interview.”  He wasn’t confused or amused, he was rather...something else.  I decided to reserve judgment until I’d listened to more.  “How about blue.”

When he didn’t offer anything further, Melody made a tentative query.

“Just the first thing that came to mind.  Probably because I spent a good deal of my adult life wearing that color.”

Melody was quiet for a moment then asked another question.

“Paul,” the man said, then added, “the apostle.  He’s always fascinated me.  What must it have been like to actually meet Jesus like that?  No wonder he was a changed man.  I’m looking forward to having a conversation with him someday.”  I found the man’s tone somewhat bothersome.  He sounded...what was it about him that vexed me?  I mean, I hadn’t been listening to him for more than five minutes, yet I already found that I didn’t particularly care for him, and that troubled me.  I liked to think of myself as being pretty fair-minded and willing to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

“Owe no man anything, but to love one another:  for he that loves another hath fulfilled the law.”  He was speaking again and I tried to set aside my feelings for the moment.  “Romans 13:8.”  That tag didn’t sound like he was trying to be helpful.  “Do you know your Bible?”

I felt my face flame with indignation on Melody’s behalf at the very obvious condescension in his voice.  I hadn’t been mistaken before.  I don’t know how she responded, but I hoped she was more courteous than I was feeling.

“That’s good.  That’s very good.  Always good to be in the Word.”

Melody sounded eager to move on.  Her next question elicited a laugh.  It was the first time I thought the man sounded really human.

“Do you want what it is or what I wish it could be?”

There was a short reply.

“Well, I would say ‘Ball and Chain’ for what it actually is.”  He tried to laugh off his choice but it was a mirthless gesture.  “What I wish —” he stopped short, which surprised me.  When he spoke again, his voice was quiet and astonishingly emotional.  “What I wish, it might sound a little crazy, but I think it would be ‘Over the Rainbow.’  Go ahead, feel free to laugh.”

It was painfully obvious that the man felt he had revealed too much and was trying to cover his vulnerability.  The ice around my heart melted just slightly. I might have imagined it because of my state of mind, but I thought Melody sounded a little kinder towards the man when she asked her next question.

“Your questions are very...interesting.”  That note in his voice was back albeit slightly toned down.  “Do you want me to tell you who I’m talking about first?”

Melody responded briefly.

“Mm.  I would say pyracantha, then.  Thorny, never dies, poisonous.  Bane of my existence.”  Again, he tried on a laugh to deflect the emotion of what I figured was probably another truth that he’d inadvertently revealed.  “If you know of a way to get rid of them, please let me know.”

To Melody’s question he replied, “I tried that, believe me, I tried.  The caliche made it virtually impossible to get it all out and it started growing back.”  He sort of snorted and said under his breath, “Makes it even more fitting.”

Melody softly cleared her throat and moved on.

“I — wow.  That’s a — ”  I was surprised that the man seemed to be lost for words as he’d seemed so assured and confident.  After a few moments of silence he finally said, “A tornado is probably the closest I can get.  It felt like being whipped around in the middle of — you know, like Dorothy in ‘The Wizard of Oz.’  I couldn’t tell which way was up for a while.”

Another reference to that movie.  Somehow, he didn’t strike me as the kind of man who would be overly fond of that movie.

“Then I felt like I’d been slammed to the ground and everything around me was different.”  He paused.  “I suppose that’s why I’ve always wanted to talk to the apostle Paul.  I’ve always wondered if that’s what it felt like for him.”  There was an honesty in his voice that made me wonder.

My thoughts were interrupted by another laugh.

“A what?”

Melody repeated her question.

“That’s the best one, yet.”  This time he sounded genuinely amused.  “Let me think about that one.  I think it would be pineapple upside-down cake.  You gotta flip things upside down to get to the good part.”

I wasn’t absolutely positive what the question was, but I was beginning to get a sense of what was being asked.  Not sure that I agreed with his assessment.  Who was I to argue, though?

Melody’s last question brought on silence.  I thought maybe he hadn’t heard or understood or something.  It sounded like Melody thought the same because it sounded like she repeated herself.

“Oh no, I heard you.  I’m sorry about that.  Just thinking.”  He was silent again.  Then he heaved a great sigh.  “Whether they would listen to me or not, I’m not sure.  But I think I’d like them to know that, well — ”  He coughed before continuing, “God sees everything.  He knows what we don’t tell anyone else and He — well, He knows.  You can fool others, but you can’t fool Him.”  There was a softness yet also what sounded like a self-incriminating mood to his statement.

Wow, I thought, where did that come from?

Melody made a final comment and the man said, “Thank you.  Thank you for your questions.”

I was having trouble deciding how I felt about this man.  One minute he was remote and condescending, the next he was talking about wanting to jump over the rainbow with Dorothy.  Was he an obnoxious jerk or was he a tortured soul?  I stood lost in thought, my eyes clamped on the device as if I could somehow discern more about him by staring at it.